The year of the helicopter

It happened. Again.
I didn't mean for it to, but sadly The Bachelor sucked me right in with it's sparkly offers of voyeurism into the lives of people I would otherwise have NO INTEREST IN at all...darn you ABC!!!

How did this media conglomerate spark my reality addiction, you ask?

One word: Helicopters

Those things were everywhere!
Ben and his 25 ladies took them on sightseeing trips, took them to the beach, took them in and out of Switzerland multiple times, and even to the top of the Matterhorn.
Those crazy kids took helicopters to and from the restroom for all I could tell!

{Gosh, I wish I had a helicopter...walking is sooooo last season}

Additional highlights of Season 16 {for me} included the non-aknowledgement of Ben's lack of...ummmm...good looks??
I have absolutely no idea what any gal sees in this guy but a quick
Google search revealed arguably his only finest quality:

{I am a Vintner...uh...I CREATE wine!!!}

{May I ply you with vino to distract you
from my sub-par looks and floppy hair??}

 I finally caught the finale of this travesty, and let me tell you the comedic fodder was endless!

Just to catch you smart people who don't engage in Bachelor up, here are your two lady finalists:

In this corner: Lindzi {with a "z"}

{Are those "meaningful" eyes, or just "terrifying-lazer-love-focus" eyes??}

Poor Lindzi {with a "z"} loooooooves horses.
Kinda like a third-grade girl.

Which was also her approximate mental capacity. 

Lindzi {with a "z"}'s claim to fame was that she was dumped by her
last boyfriend {of 7 years} via a text message which stated,
"Welcome to Dumpsville...Population: YOU!"
So we already know she has good taste in men
{sarcasm folks!}

That lack of IQ really only became her Kryptonite as estrogen pool whittled down to Lindzi {with a "z"} and:

In Satan's corner: Courtney {the model!}

{Ohhh, a MODEL! Seeee...she's a MODEL!}

{Pretty on the outside...}

{...but SOOOOO ugly on the inside!}

And all of the other 24 ladies warned Ben exhaustively about how nasty Courtney was allllll season looooong. Not to mention her constant shoulder shrugging...lip-smacking..."WINNING!" yelling...
 But, well, the thing is she is a MODEL.
And Ben?
Ben is NOT good looking.
This was a once-in-a-lifetime deal for him, ya'll.

Here's how the finale felt to me:

{Hey there...lets have another PICNIC! Jump off that helicopter and come join me...}

Ben asked these final two ladies to come with him to Switzerland for their possible marriage proposal.

First, Ben took Lindzi {with a "z"} skiing- it was her first time.
She felt brave because, as she so succinctly put it,
"I can trust Ben on the slopes, AND in life!"
{Sorry, just threw up in my mouth a little...}
After skiing, she showered Ben with about a million emphatic I LOVE YOUS.

Ben's reply to her outpouring of love?

"Uhhh...thanks, that's really great..."

Ben soon followed up Lindzi {with a "z"}'s awkward love-fest by taking Satan Courtney sledding.

Meh.

The highlight of the entire season was this situation in the final helicopter-fueled moments of the finale:

{Dualing Capes??? REALLY ladies?!?}

Each of the fair maidens put on their respective white {Courtney} and black {Lindzi with a "z"}capes
{no foreshadowing there, eh?}
and jumped in their awaiting helicopters to meet Ben at the top of yet another mountain.

Then to no one's surprise, this happened:

{WINNING!}

Courtney spent the WHOLE proposal and engagement looking at her blinging ring, the mountains, her hair extensions in the refelection of the camera lens...but NOT at her beloved Benjamin!! 

I'm sure they'll have along and happy week life together!

You win this time, ABC production.
You always do!
Until next season.