Red-rider BB guns and Triple-Dog-Dares

There is a great scene in “The Christmas Story.” A group of school boys gather around a pole on the playground on a cold winter’s day. One boy, Schwartz, dares another, Flick, to stick his tongue to the pole. Not wanting to seem too easily influenced, the boy declines…

Flick: Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That's dumb!

Schwartz: That's 'cause you know it'll stick!

Flick: You're full of it!

Schwartz: Oh yeah?

Flick: Yeah!

Schwartz: Well I double-DOG-dare ya!

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a "triple dare you"? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare.

Schwartz: I TRIPLE-dog-dare ya!

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Schwartz created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple-dare and going right for the throat!

For those familiar with this scene, Schwartz is a pro: he skips the “triple-dare” and goes straight to the “triple-dog-dare.” All the onlookers’ gasp in shock when they hear such an unconventional, yet veteran move. Flick falls for it and touches his tongue to the frozen pole.

Below is the story of Craig, a mild-mannered financial analyst who, in search of immortality through food, also gave in to the Triple-Dog-Dare. A challenged surfaced involving a local eating establishment, Mister Craig and a frightfully large mushroom, onion, chili-cheese omelet.

The Broken Yolk Café has a 12-egg omelet that, if consumed in less than 1 hour, is free. The winner is also given a complementary Broken Yolk t-shirt and a plaque engraving them into the annals of Broken Yolk history forever. Otherwise you are out $25.

We began our voyage to the Broken Yolk Café around 11:30am and were seated near the front door. We requested a booth near the window so that all the raving fans accompanying us could gaze through and admire Craig’s feat of food disposal.

Upon ordering, the waitress (who was obviously intrigued/impressed) smiled and said that no one had finished the 15-inch plate at their location and that Craig could be the first. After a slightly uncomfortable, and not-so-subtle wink from the waitress, we could tell how eager she was to have Craig around for at least the next hour in hopes of getting to know him a little better.

Then the food arrived…

And the eating began…

So he ate…

And he ate…

And he ate…

Until he could eat... no more.

It was a valiant effort and we were all impressed to see how much Craig actually put away in one hour. Ultimately, the “dozen-egg omelet filled with mushrooms, onions, American cheese, smothered with chili and more cheese, generous pile of homefries and two biscuits” proved to be too much for our hero.

Before departing, the fallen hero spoke.

“I could eat more of something. I just can’t eat any more of this,” was all Craig could get out. (Well, that and a few burps.) Not all was lost though. As a show of thanks for letting us witness the attempt, our driver and Triple-Dog-Darer Rich, footed the bill. Hey Rich, easy on the brakes on the way home. We don’t want any accidents in your Escalade!